A Year of Dehlavi: Looking Back & Looking Beyond

 A year ago, when I started with Dehlavi, I realized this would be something challenging. For a moment, I thought: why start something new that might impinge upon my already limited time and efforts? I was also a little scared as to who might even bother to read these blogs. But over and above all of that, there was a sense of fresh excitement. I always wanted to pen down my thoughts on this city that I had occasion to know, albeit for a very short time span of three years. I failed miserably everytime I tried maintaining a journal. I realized writing something regularly was perhaps beyond me. What I could do was maintain a monthly record. What could have been better than a blog of my own to do that!

That's how Dehlavi came about. Of course, I must have conceived of it as something quite different from what it is today. While initially I had thought of writing about very many episodes from my days in Delhi, I later realized that the aesthetic filter that exists between my inner voice and this blog would not let me share all of that. Some of it extremely personal, while others really insignificant to form an independent blog article. But I presume over the months, I have really blent the personal and the public in such a strange manner that many of these distinctions really do not exist now. I have always struggled hard to think about topics and themes that might attract readers and reach out to more audiences. And yet, my blog, Dehlavi, is meant to be my personal journal entry. Striking a balance between the my raw inner thoughts and a filtered, palatable piece--I learned that the ways of the blogger is not easy.

Here, I must pause for a moment and rethink my role as a blogger. Am I a chronicler of the city, Delhi? Or, am I just recounting my old times in which Delhi happens to feature inevitably? If I am a chronicler of the city, is my gaze that of an outsider? Or am I pretending to be an insider, essentially appropriating the position of a Dehlavi? Well, I might very well have started as a reteller of events from my past times, but eventually I did metamorphose into someone who chronicles the lives of the city. My gaze might have been that of an outsider living temporarily in the city, but somewhere a strong sense of belonging managed to turn my gaze from that of an outsider to that of an insider. My writings, steeped in nostalgia and at times unbearably nauseating, might seem like a burden upon the reader's mind. At one point, I really need to stop writing about Delhi. Yes, I will. A few days back, when I returned my library books to the college library, I realized the strong affect of those artefacts of my memory. I felt as if one of the last remaining tangible bonds of mine with the city were being severed. That is when I decided there has to be a moment when I would stop writing about Delhi.

My first blog article (and the one that continues to be the most-read one till date) seemed a little odd to me. When I started this page, I had a very vague idea about how to begin writing. I knew all the interest stories and anecdotes that I needed to describe separately. But then, those could not be the first one. The beginning of the beginning has always been the most difficult. That is when I decided I should talk a bit about what it means to be a Dehlavi. I couldn't make it too discursive. While at that time I thought I did a fairly good job, when I now go back and look at that first blog article of mine for Dehlavi, I realize how much my writing style has evolved over the time. And with that my approach towards Dehlavi.

It has been an extremely humbling experience to have received so many loving comments all these while, from so many of my dearest readers. I cannot thank my readers enough for being beside me, and helping me continue with this blog. At times when the idea of the blog really seems to lose all substance, I can only think of the kind wishes that you all have sent my way. All my friends and dear acquaintances who have featured in my blog articles, some of them quite frequently, I am sincerely indebted to them for making my times in Delhi memorable, and offering me these wonderful memories that I can now cherish and fondly write about. Somewhere the divides of the past, the present and the future, do all tend to get blurred and a loving memory is created, with the choicest of things remembered and forgotten. What I have chosen to forget, and what I have chosen to remember--all of that have combined and worked together to create this blog, Dehlavi. To Dehlavi, that is so close to my heart, I wish 

 a very happy one year! 

And to all my dear readers and friends, who are so close to my heart, a big thank you for staying with Dehlavi through this one year. Please keep showering your blessings and showing your love!